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2019 Schedule Announcement
Introduction Come one, come all! It’s the writeup you’ve all been waiting for (maybe...probably…). It’s the schedule release! By the time you read this we will be much further into the future than I was when I wrote this. Today is April 25th, 2019. I'm sick as a dog at work and my boss keeps telling me to go home. He's refusing to give me any tasks and really I should just go home and go to bed. But it's NFL Draft Day and I have fantasy on the brain, so I'm getting ahead of the curve and writing up the Schedule Release post a few months early. UPDATE: It's me from the future (it's now June 19th, which is still me from the past but a more recent past). My boss was a sexual predator and I quit my job to live out a life as full-time Commissioner/homeless man. Just kidding, I will not be homeless. I am taking a temp job on a series called Pussy Valley, a drama about strippers in the "Dirty Delta." Who would have thought I'd find safe haven from an unhealthy work environment in a place called Pussy Valley, huh? Life comes at you fast, my friends. UPDATE AGAIN: It is now June 28th. It's today (unless you read this tomorrow). Still haven't heard back from P-Valley so I'm temping on a Stephen King TV series and the offices are so shitty that the lights flicker every time they run the copy machine. I'm so busy that Chris sent me a trade five days ago and I haven't even had time to open the Sleeper app to look at it. So he just keeps pestering and pestering and pestering. Life comes at you fast. Speaking of life coming at you fast: two years ago, Sweet Dee was choosing the first four draft order. She was the laughing stock of the league. A blemish. An easy W. This year, she returns with the 10 spot in the draft and is defending her title. A lot can change, and Dee has proven once and for all that this is as balanced a league as can exist in fantasy football. If the losingest team of all time can win a trophy, maybe someday I can too. Just kidding, I'm destined to never win this fucking league. Now let's dive into this writeup like it's a lubed up stripper in the Dirty Delta. Important Dates * 8/18 Keeper Deadline (after this date if you have not submitted keepers you don’t get keepers) * 8/19 Keepers Announced * 8/25 LoC Draft - 8pm ET (that’s 8pm Rhode Island time) * 9/4 Week 1 Power Rankings Write-up * 9/5 Week 1 Kickoff ''' A note on the LXC Draft I'm going to level with you guys: Sunday night sucked. People were getting kicked out of the draft room. Some people never made it in. Others said they weren't drafting (momma and papa). But apparently did try to draft, but had difficulties. RIP was phoning in picks for Dee so Commish could manually pick them. It was hard to see players. Mr. President started the draft early, which shouldn't even be possible but is. It was a fucking disaster. Now, I will say this: this is why we are doing this with LXC. LXC is our test tube league. It's our guinea pig. We try out new things. They work, we incorporate into LOC. They fail, they fail. That's what trying new stuff is about. So as aggitated as I am, and as skeptical as I am about Sleeper as a result of what happened, I do not believe this is the worst thing to happen to our group. So even though momma might be right when he said Sleeper is just a fancy messanger app with fantasy football on the side, I think this year will still be a good trial run to see what it is capable of. Besides, any time you get Shotti on autodraft year it's a good thing. Duck's Choice As reward for winning the 2018 Survivor Challenge, Duck was given the chance to select his first three opponents for 2019. Out of 1,716 possible combinations, the Duck chose to face the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place finishers. (Hmm Emoji) Double Headers I did something a little different this year. I ran the numbers on how many times each of us have played every other opponent and I created our double-header schedules based on who we have all played the least. I did this for the next six years, so by the mid-20's we will have all played each other an equal number of times. You can see the disparity here. RIP had a double-header with Paddock 9 just two times through 2018, but six times with The Shotti Bunch. Pitting RIP and P9 in a double-header in 2019 was a no-brainer, bringing their total up to 3. Still a long ways off. But take a look at our 2024 chart! Almost everyone will have played a double-header with everyone else six times after 2024. That's next level Commissionering. This is how I decided to spend my time off from work. Combined W/L Record Against 2019 Double-Headers Oddly enough, only three teams are above .500 against their double-headers this season. Shotti finishes a far first and Papa dead last thanks in part to these two teams playing each other (shotti is batting nearly .800 against Papa). The 2019 LoC Schedule Here is the 2019 schedule grid: Opening Day Standings Updated 9/11/18 Opening Day this year will bring in the new season with an absolute fireworks show. The matchups, top to bottom, are electric. # Shotti vs. Momma: Series tied 7-7. The only matchup of these two teams this season. # Pain Train vs. Papa's Posse: Series tied 7-7. # Commish vs. Duck: Commish leads 7-6. # Sweet Dee vs. Paddock 9: Series tied 5-5. # Bell vs. RIP: Bell leads 3-0 (Bell is 3-0 against Dab and 7-20 vs. everyone else). Team Records By Month Updated 12.1.18 Pain Train and RIP will look to build on their league-leading 18 September wins. In October, no one is hotter than Shotti but The Duck Punchers are right up there with a whopping 28-8 record. November, meanwhile, has become Pain Train's time to shine. The last four weeks of the season, PT has a 23-14 record, the most regular season wins after October in the entire league. As for the worst performers by month, it doesn't get any worse than 20 September losses for Paddock 9. In October, it is Sweet Dee with an almost unthinkable 0.185. The championship team has played 78 games and only won in October 5 times. But Papa, who has played 104 games, isn't much better off with only 11 October wins. Yikes. During the month leading up to playoffs, it's Paddock 9 and momma who fall off. What is it about these teams that sputter right at the finish? An affinity for older players? Fantasy lineup setting fatigue? Bad trades throughout the year? The last two seasons, momma has tanked for picks. So what's Paddock's excuse? Hot Start Below is a chart showing who has the toughest opening to the season. Paddock 9, who has the worst September win% in league history (minimum 3 seasons), will get a great opportunity to build on their 11 wins with the easiest opening schedule. Playoff Push Who finishes the season with the toughest three week stretch? It's good to be a DiGennaro. The DeeGee boys are two of the five teams who have a schedule below .500 in the final three weeks to close out the year. List of Glory Bowl Rematches This season we will have a Glory Bowl rematch in 8 of the 13 weeks and 9 rematches in total; two less than the record 11 rematches we had in 2017. List of 2019 Post-Season Rematches Chances for revenge abound in our schedule this season. Week four features our first wave of revenge games, with a rematch of the Million Dollar Game, Cinco De Lose-O, and 1v6 semifinals. Week 13 will feature the only regular season matchup between Paddock 9 and Pain Train, the leagues current biggest rivalry. It will have been 50 weeks since their last game. Rivalries 2018 Rivalries to Watch Crossover Weeks When creating the LXC schedule, I created two divisions based on final 2018 standings and set the double-headers as all in-division for the ten teams. In doing so, the DH's were completely different from the LOC Double-Headers. But I thought it would be cool to have as many "crossover weeks" as possible. Those would be weeks where the LOC and LXC matchups are 100% the same. That way we are all getting hyped and talking trash to the same person in both matchups. This was easy for the first few weeks and got difficult after that. As a result, there are six crossover weeks in 2019. Weeks 1, 2, 3, 5, 10, 13. Notes For Each Team's Schedule * '''Sweet Dee - The champ will start the season off by facing one of their main league rivals: September slumper Paddock 9. They then run the Gauntlet of the Gods beginning in week 8, facing their semifinals and Glory Bowl opponents before going up against the four former champions in order from week 10-13. * Double Headers: Paddock 9, Bell of Da Ball, Duck Punchers, Garoppoblow Me * Combined Opponent Record: 86-83 (6th) * Rivalry Games ** Paddock 9 (5-5): Week 1, Week 7 ** GBM (4-4): Week 4, Week 8 ** Papa's Posse (6-6): Week 10 * Pain Train WOO WOO - Pain Train will start the year by facing four non-playoff teams in the first seven weeks, and finish against arch rival Paddock 9. By the time these two teams meet it will be almost a whole year since Pain Train knocked out Paddock 9 in the 2018 Semifinals. The bad blood has only intensified as these two have been mad at each other for so long that no one really remembers why they consider themselves rivals in the first place. * Double Headers: Papa's Posse, The Duck Punchers, ma ma momma said, The Shotti Bunch * Combined Opponent Record: 81-88 (7th) * Rivalry Games ** Papa's Posse (7-7): Week 1, Week 8 ** RIPDab (6-7): Week 4 ** Paddock 9 (9-4): Week 13 * Garoppoblow Me - GBM will face President Butt twice for the first time this season, as well as continuing the hotly contested rivalry with Duck Punchers. GBM has won three of the last four games against Momma, including the 2017 win-and-in week 13 game that knocked momma into the consolation tournament. Prior to that, GBM dropped six in a row to the once great, now disgraced franchise. * Double Headers: Duck Punchers, Bell of Da Ball, Sweet Dee, ma ma momma said * Combined Opponent Record: 75-94 (10th) * Rivalry Games ** DUCK (7-6): Week 1, Week 9 ** DEE (4-4): Week 4, Week 8 ** MOMMA (4-7): Week 5, Week 13 * Paddock 9 - Expectations are high for P9, who enters 2019 having finished a franchise best 4th place last year. With the 2nd easiest schedule, Paddock hopes to build around franchise QB Patrick Mahomes. He plays three consolation tourney teams twice, then finishes off against the bane of his existence. * Double Headers: Sweet Dee, ma ma momma said, RIPDab, The Shotti Bunch * Combined Opponent Record: 77-92 (9th) * Rivalry Games ** DEE (5-5): Week 1, Week 7 ** MMMS (5-5): Week 2, Week 8 ** DUCK (8-8): Week 6 * Duck Punchers - Tough start by choice but an overall easy schedule when you consider 40 of the 87 wins they face come from the double headers with GBM and Pain Train. One of the most underrated rivalries in the league, Duck vs. Papa will be a can't miss rematch of Glory Bowl I and the '18 Cinco De Lose-O. For the first time since 2015, Shotti and Duck will not face off on week 13. * Double Headers: Garoppoblow Me, Pain Train WOO WOO, Sweet Dee, RIPDab * Combined Opponent Record: 87-82 (4th) * Rivalry Games: ** GBM (6-7): Week 1, Week 9 ** PAPA (8-8): Week 4 ** SHOTTI (6-7): Week 8 * Papa's Posse - One of three single-header matchups in week 13, Papa doesn't see Bell until the final game of the regular season. In week five, Papa will kick off the inaugural Joe Mac Invitational with a head-to-head against Paddock 9. Starting at 10% of the total final score, 75% has now been pledged to the Wounded Warriors Project thanks to the combined effort of 7 teams and 1 non-league member. * Double Headers: Pain Train WOO WOO, RIPDab, The Shotti Bunch, ma ma momma said * Combined Opponent Record: 79-90 (8th) * Rivalry Games ** PAIN TRAIN (7-7): Week 1, Week 8 ** DUCK (8-8): Week 4 ** DEE (6-6): Week 10 * The Shotti Bunch - We are entering into the great unknown with TSB in 2019. He has never come off a losing season before, so what should we expect from the four-time champ? They have the second-toughest schedule in the league on paper, but when you're 25-7 lifetime against your four double-header teams, I think it's safe to throw the paper in the trash. * Double Headers: Papa's Posse, Paddock 9, Pain Train WOO WOO, Bell of Da Ball * Combined Opponent Record: 88-81 (T-2nd) * Rivalry Games ** RIP (12-6): Week 6 ** MOMMA (7-7): Week 1 ** DUCK (7-6): Week 8 * RIPDab - After a lackluster campaign, Dab will undoubtedly bounce back in the odd year, despite a difficult schedule. If they want to remove themselves from the consolation conversation, they're going to need to get over the hump with President Butt, against whom they are 0-3. * Double Headers: Bell of Da Ball, Papa's Posse, Paddock 9, Duck Punchers * Combined Opponent Record: 88-81 (T-2nd) * Rivalry Games ** SHOTTI (6-12): Week 6 ** PAIN TRAIN (7-6): Week 4 ** PADDOCK 9 (5-6): Week 3, Week 12 * Bell of Da Ball - In year three, Bell will face four teams in double headers for the first time. As they start to build a history between the 9 other franchises, it will be interesting to see what storylines develop and who will become President Butt's real rival in the LOC. * Double Headers: RIPDab, Sweet Dee, Garoppoblow Me, The Shotti Bunch * Combined Opponent Record: 87-82 (T-4th) * Rivalry Games ** RIP (3-0): Week 1, Week 8 ** MOMMA (2-3): Week 4 ** PADDOCK 9 (2-2): Week 9 *'ma ma momma said' - Well, this is it for momma. They've now had as many bad seasons as they've had good. For every championship appearance they've had a Million Dollar Game. Lucky for them they only face the four best teams from last season, a sure sign that they are going to break their slump. But having the toughest schedule shouldn't tell the whole story for momma's 2019 campaign. Despite facing nearly 100 wins in 2019, they have the 2nd best win% against double-header teams out of everyone in the league. *Double Headers: Paddock 9, Pain Train WOO WOO, Garoppoblow Me, Papa's Posse * Combined Opponent Record: 97-72 (1st) * Rivalry Games ** SHOTTI (7-7): Week 1 ** PADDOCK 9 (5-5): Week 2, Week 8 ** PAIN TRAIN (7-5): Week 3, Week 7 Conclusion I'm such a serial killer that I am releasing the LOC schedule on the same date as last season, because that's what crazy people do. I know half of you fucks don't even read the five sentence posts I write in the Facebook thread, so expecting you to read my masterful schedule breakdown is as far-fetched as assuming Paddock 9 is going to win the Glory Bowl. But crazier things have happened, I guess.